India Part One: where Sauerkraut, Bratwurst and Smorebro are briefly alluded to; Lime Water is Observed in Colonial Fashion (through bars); thirty-two eight graders do everything in unison; and a flabbergasted sculpin is discovered at the bottom of a drawer.

I've been thinking if I should write about India. I mean, I WANT TO and I also promised to (myself, my sense of reflection and justice to the past, propriety of memories and processing etc.), but somehow all I can seem to think about these days are 12-15 year olds. And yup, that sounds REALLY CREEPY but it honestly isn't.

Then I thought, HEY, why don't I just make a CARTOON about India? So, you know, keep up with it. Might just hit you in the face one day as you read my blog as part of your daily morning ritual.

Then I thought, what if I just write about fun stories from work and school today? Then that actually violates my contract. So no fun in that corner.

But INDIA, land of A Thousand Spices and Lots of Sad Books About Childhood and Family that's all Westerners ever know about Indian Literature (God of Small Things, A Fine Balance, Family Affairs: let me spoil them for you, they are all depressing as something flabbergastingly depressing!
OR Amitav Ghosh who writes well about colonial-era India and Hong Kong (spoiler alert: Hong Kong becomes a British colony, hur hur), but unfortunately in books that are so big that reading them feels either pretentious or slick, like I'm carrying around 50 Shades (yes, I have weird shame connected to books sometimes).

This first Johanne's version of Kim or Passage to India or Other Colonial Literature I've Never READ But Still Have An Opinion Of will be quite BRIEF yet as always amusing and diverting and informing you, Internet, what the deepest recesses of my mind ponder as thirty-two eight graders all scream in union whilst I just sit there and stare into space, oblivious of The World And All That's In It.

So consider this an India pre-facial! Above you can see my thirst for knowledge being quenched (geddit?) by this curious contraption and/or custom observed in the jolly town of MAMMALAPURAM (say it really fast. Now imagine thirty-two eight graders all screaming this in union again and again and again and again. This is my life now.).
Before you ask in the comment section below that is HEAVILY USED (no seriously, please don't comment any more. I can't handle it. It's too much. I'm drowning. To understand how I feel, imagine thirty-two eight graders simultaneously commenting with intelligent yet funny yet profound comments on your post-graduation-angst-filled blog), YES THIS IS LEMON WATER.

It is a LEMON IN WATER, and I didn't understand, so naturally (being a jerk tourist), I took a photo.

I've seen that I've already spent my writing today... By that I don't mean that I've spent myself, because I can literally write about nothing all day, but attention span of millennials, and so on, so I'll leave you with this Picturesque Scene of Arjuna's Penance (right?) and me in front indulging in what is obviously both an intellectual AND culturally and historically informed argument with fellow travelers. You can tell because my mouth is half-open.

More on India and The Journeys of Sauerkraut, Bratwurst and Smorebro to come! (Wait, who are these?, you ask, New characters? A total cast of Characters, you say? Yes yes, but wait for it! They will be duly, and anonymously introduced, though I have to get better in Photoshop/Paint before this operation commences.)

Back to the eight graders.

All photos belong to Sauerkraut, Bratwurst and Smorebro Corporation Ltd. Exc. NGO CEO, please do not use without AYCSPLICIT consent from the licencees which will only be provided in SPAM.